Playing Catch Up

As you can see, it has been a very long time since I have done any blogging! Life has become very busy over the last 6 months; however, I am making a commitment to blog about something every week from now on just so I don't get bogged down with needing to remember so much. This particular blog is primarily for my family updates and going-on's. I do have another blog that I use solely for practicing my writing on a daily basis. I've been told that "practice makes perfect" and if I ever intend to finish my book, I need more practice. So, if you are interested in following that blog, it can be found at ptorresthinks.wordpress.com. Believe me, it's nothing fancy, but it gives me a place to play with "writing" which I simply love doing.

As for now, I'd like to let you know how hearth and home life is coming along. As many of you know I injured my back last Summer (June) and was on Short Term Disability for over 5 months. My days consisted of pain pills and physical therapy, interspersed with epidural injections. It was a long and difficult period, but I'm happy to say, I am doing really good right now. I started back to work in November to find many changes had taken place. The good news in that, is I still had a job with the company! Praise the Lord. Procedures had changed and new systems were being put into place; training for all of this was in process, and I had to catch up or get left in the dust. I hit the ground running, and by God's grace, it has been a good transition. I've been with my company for almost 14 years, and I'm so grateful at this time, to even have a job when so many do not. Even when I don't "feel" like getting out of bed at 5:45AM, I just remember that so many out their would love to have a good job like I have, and I remember just how much I have to be thankful for. No matter how tired I get, the Lord (and my vitamin B12) give me the strength I need to make it through.

I am happy to announce that I made the Deans List this Semester at Grand Canyon University. Yes, I was very proud of myself. Even at 52 years old, this old brain is still able to make good grades. My graduation date is sometime around August of 2013. I realize that sounds like a long ways off still, but when you're only taking one class at a time (7-8 weeks each), it doesn't go by very fast. Trust me, I'm excited. Its so much closer than it was a year ago! :)

Zachary and Marcy are doing wonderful. They both have good jobs, and are renting a cute house with a big backyard. They just transitioned to becoming a "mini-van" family. They are the proud owners of a nice looking Chrysler T&C. Madison is 15 months now, and just as spunky and darling as ever. She walks; waves; blows kisses; knocks on her brother and sister's bedroom doors when they shut her out, and is smart as a whip. She brings such a happy ray of sunshine everywhere she goes. Tana and Hunter are almost done with school this year. 6 more weeks, then Summertime! Tana will be in 6th grade and Hunter 8th grade in the Fall. Tana loves school and wants to become a Marine Biologist when she grows up. Hunter enjoys school also, but hasn't decided what he wants to do when he grows up yet. Right now, he loves computer games. They are both smart and very sweet kids. I'm proud to claim them as my "grandchildren".

Zoe and Jason have been adding on; not only to their home, but to their family. They expanded their house by one room and expanded their children by one. Yes, we have a new addition! Miss Hannah Lina Burtamekh was born on 3/22/2012. She weighed in at 7 lbs 12 ozs and 19 inches long at 1:03pm. She is just perfect. Having three children is taking some getting use to. Right now mom and dad are sleep-deprived and are just trying to find the balance of running a household of 5. Yuri (4 yrs) will be starting school in the Fall. Sophia (2 yrs) is spunky and full of mercurial changes. One moment sweet and quietly content playing on her own; the next minute pulling her brothers hair and running around like a little monkey. She's my little Tinkerbell, and she's trying to learn her new position transitioning from "baby" to "middle child". I'm a middle child, so I can truly sympathize with her. Hannah (3 weeks) is still waking up every 2 hrs, which is a killer. The noise her siblings can create, doesn't seem to bother her in the least. She's listened to them for 9 months already, so she's use to it. Zoe is recovering nicely from her C-section, and looks just beautiful. Motherhood looks good on her. She is anxious to be in full swing and be able to get outside in this beautiful Spring weather and take walks and run around with the kids. Until then, she is trying to get settled in and always working on the house to get it "finished". Jason works hard everyday, and on the weekends works on the house. Taking care of the yard, the remodeling, the vehicles, and just the day to day things that come up, is the joys of "family". It was nice that he was able to take off for a few weeks after Zoe had Hannah.

Families from church brought over food and gifts, which has been such a blessing for them. Its the little things that make life a little easier.

God has been so good to me and my little family. None of us have fame or fortune, but we have love for each other, and grace to help each other through. We have laughter and the Lord to lean on in good times and bad times. We are a circle; and whatever one member may be going through, we all do our part to help; whether it be in word or deed. We are present and available. A day doesn't go by that I don't call out each of their names to my Heavenly Father, and ask Him to watch over and guide them throughout their day, and to protect and provide for their lives and their needs.

We take one day and one moment at a time; we try not to worry about tomorrow, but live today to the fullest. If our burdens are heavy, we call on the Lord and each other to help lessen the load. I am so blessed. I tried to teach my children to be content with what they have, and make the best of every situation. To trust in the Lord with all of their hearts, and not to lean on their own understanding; and in all of their ways, to acknowledge the Lord and He would direct their life.

This place... here on Earth is wonderful, and I enjoy it to the best that I can; however, I've always let my children know that this is not all their is. I have another home, that is so much better than this...It's my heavenly/eternal home. It won't deteriorate, wither, fade, or decay...it is built with material that will last forever. There is no pollution, dust, mold, mildew or sickness their. I feel like I've been their before; but I just can't remember. Kind of like dejavu. Memories of it flit through my head every now and then, but I can't seem to grab a hold of it. But one day it won't be a memory or a thought, but it will be a reality. I remind my children and grandchildren and son and daughter in law, that is the day you don't want to miss. The most important day of your life.

So that's the update on the Torres/Burtamekh family... I've attached a few pictures. Hope you enjoy!

Just me....

My Messy Monday

I had a feeling it was going to be a challenging Monday even before it was Monday. Sunday night I did all the normal routine things I usually do. I worked on my school paper and got it posted way before deadline! Yeah... that was good. I was truly satisfied with how the essay turned out. Feeling good, I took a nice bath, did a little reading, worked on this crazy jigsaw puzzle that is about to drive me insane and got 4 pieces! Wow, now I was really feeling good. I proceeded to fix myself a cup of chammomile tea and start winding down for bed. I felt nice and cozy, and set my alarm, curled up under my nice blankets, and plumped my pillow just right and closed my eyes. I knew immediately there was going to be a problem. My brain wasn't relaxing, my feet started to get jittery, I tossed, turned, rolled on my side, flipped on my back, and finally after an hour, I got back up and started working on the puzzle again! I got a few more pieces placed in that bizarre picture and felt so good that I decided to do a load of laundry. It was freezing cold outside (50 degrees), and that inspired me to fix some cinnamon raisin toast and a glass of milk. By this time it was after 2am and I was starting to panic. My alarm was set to go off at 5:45am. That was just 3 hrs and 45 min away. If I didn't get some sleep, I wasn't going to be able to do my job. Around 2:30, I decided to try my bed again. The last time I looked at the clock it was 3:00. I must have slept, because the next thing I remember is the newscaster saying that its 42 degrees and raining! That made me happy, so I got up, got dressed, bundled up in my boots, winter skirt and layers of sweaters and a scarf. It was my first day dressing like Winter, and it made me feel good, even though I was yawning. I walked out of the house at 6:50, and decided to stop at McDonalds for a cup of coffee and Sausage McMuffin. Yeah, I'm a big spender. $2.14 total. Not bad. 4 creamers and 2 Splenda's in the coffee, and I was off on my 20 min freeway jaunt to work. That's where things started really sliding downhill. Before I even got to the Northern Curve, the brake lights were piling up. There was a crash on the freeway and it was gridlock! I popped in my favorite Christmas CD, and started in on my coffee and sandwich. I figured I might as well make the best of it. I was 3 minutes late when I pulled into the parking lot and parked my car. I frantically grabbed my purse, my coffee, my keys and my badge and got out of the car. It had been raining, but finally stopped. The puddles were pretty deep in the parking lot, but I wore my boots, so I wasn't worried. With my coffee in one hand, my purse and badge in the other, I made my way across the lot. All of a sudden my foot slipped and my coffee went flying all over me, and I landed in a huge puddle down on my knees, hip, and my left wrist tried to break my fall. I was stunned by the pain, and thought I was going to embarrass my self by crying or throwing up, but managed to take a few deep breaths and try to stand up. I was worried about my back, since I've had all of this back stuff going on, and its finally better. Little did I know, it wasn't my back at all that was hurting, but my knees. I was afraid to look or move for a few seconds because I thought I might have blown out my knee. I've been having knee issues anyway, and I keep having this horrifying nightmare of my knee just popping and going to mush. I know that sounds dramatic, but its true. I realized I couldn't stay down like that, and as much as I wanted to, I couldn't get back in my car and just go home, so I said, "Lord, please help me." The next thing I knew, there was a lady bending over me asking me if I was ok. She helped me to a standing position, and I told her I was fine. I hobbled into the building and since my supervisor was off today, I just went to my desk and logged into my computer, washed my hands and got the mud off my shoes and skirt, and put my headset on and started taking calls. When I heard my voice, I realized I was more shook up then I first thought. I was shaking, and my voice was wobbly and my hands were trembling. After each call, I just kept saying "Jesus, please help me." I would take a deep breath, and take the next call. I made it through, somehow. Finally on my break, I went into the bathroom and did a better examination of myself. Sore, bruised, a few scrapes, and lots of mud, but otherwise, all in one piece. Yes, I was late, and that will go against me; yes, I was hurt, and my body will be sore for a few days; yes, my calls probably weren't 100% calls, but at least I helped my clients resolve their issues, and managed to stay focused without breaking down. I have to say, "thank you Lord for giving me the strength I needed, and for protecting me from that fall, which could have been much worse; and for having me stop at McDonald's instead of getting on that freeway 10 min earlier which may have put me in danger of that crash that I was having to sit in gridlock traffic after it had happened.

Could it be that the trials of life are really just blessings in disguise? I guess it all depends what kind of eyes we choose to see them through. Yes, it was a messy Monday, but it also gave me much to be thankful for. As for tonight? I am praying for at least 6-7 hours of peaceful sleep. The hot bath in Epsom salts and Icy Hot rubbed on the sore spots should help. I won't be kneeling any time soon due to bruised and swollen kneecaps, but my heart is filled with gratitude and all is well.

Pondering Family, Fear and the Future

It's been awhile since I've updated everyone on what's up with the family. First and foremost, everyone is healthy. The weather is doing its "changes" thing; cool at night and in the morning, and warm in the afternoon. One day can be 75 and the next it could be 95. What this means, is simply that everyone is feeling the sniffles and scratchy throats. So stock up on the Vitamin C and lots of Echinacea. Get plenty of sleep and drink lots of fluid! Starting with Zachary, he's working as a waiter at Chompies, a wonderful New York Style restaurant with a nice Kosher flair. They are giving him lots of hours and he's doing good. His ultimate goal is to get in the kitchen and start cooking, but he's biding his time and putting in the hours. His time will come. He's thoroughly enjoying being papa bear to little Madison Raine. She's 9 months old and brings pure joy to her mommy and daddy. Marcy is working hard at her job, and runs that office like a drill seargent. Just kidding... But they love her their, and really depend on her to keep things running smoothly. Her birthday is tomorrow, and I wish her a very happy birthday. She is a wonderful mother and adores Zachary. What more could I ask for? Montana and Hunter are digging in deep in their school work and doing very well. They are good kids. 'Tana made Honor Roll both semesters last year, and we look forward to good things again this year. They are enjoying their house, and look forward to grass and trees in their backyard this winter so they can enjoy it during the Spring and Summer of next year.

Zoe is expecting another little one in March! We are all very excited about the newest addition. Her and Jason have decided they don't want to find out what the sex will be this time. They want to be surprised! So... it will be neutral colored clothes that I will be shopping for. Yuri will be 4 years old on the 29th of October, and Sophia will be 2 in December. They are growing like weeds. Yuri is excited about starting school next year...learning his letters, numbers, colors, and how to write his name! Wow... what does that leave the teachers to teach? Zoe is an amazing mom and does so well with the kids. We still get together for our weekly breakfasts, however, I will say that we kind of slowed down during the Summer. It was sooo hot, and with all my back issues, it just didn't work out for us to meet that often. Now that its cooling down, we are both getting anxious to try some new places here in the Valley. We love finding little hidden gems for breakfast. It's also nice when Zach and Marcy can join us. We all have a great time making memories and eating lots of food.

I'm doing better. Each day my back is getting stronger. I'm learning to walk more, excercise frequently, and allow others to carry the big bags up the stairs! It's not easy for me, since I'm use to doing things on my own, but I've learned that I am better for it when I occasionally ask for help. I finally got released to go back to work part time. I just completed day 3, and my back is sore after 3 hrs of work. Thank goodness I'm only working 4 hrs a day! I am just having to get use to the fact that its going to take me awhile to get back into the swing of things, and to just be patient. I have physical therapy 3 days a week for a while also, which is kicking me in the "you know what".... Wow, I'm so out of shape, its not even funny. Well, maybe a little funny. I have to admit though, I do feel better about myself now that I'm back at work. Its a crazy thing about being back in the workforce around people you've worked with for 13 yrs. They make me feel good about myself. They pat me on the shoulder and give me hugs and tell me how much they missed me and appreciate me. It may seem like a little thing, but to me, its exactly what I needed. Since Josh has been gone, I don't get too many hugs, pats, smiles, or told "hey thanks for that"... You don't realize that you miss it until its gone. Josh wasn't even a big complimentary person, but even what he did give, was better than their not being anything. I don't always miss those kinds of things, but occasionally it hits me, and it hurts, I hurt. I miss being needed and appreciated. There, I said it. My kids are amazing, and they hug me and tell me all the time how much they love me (we've always been like that), but for some reason, its not the same. Being off work for 5 months really put me in a funk. I won't say depression, but I will admit it started making me feel and act like a recluse! Why clean my house? Why wash my hair? Why get dressed up? and on and on and on... I wonder what Josh would have thought about my actions if he had been here... Oh, I forgot, he couldn't even see out of one eye! Oh yes, we were quite a team; I couldn't hear, and he couldn't see. Somehow we filled in the gaps though. Geez, I guess I'm missing Josh a lot tonight. I found myself in the bathroom crying tonight because I wished he were here to talk to, and rub my aching back, and tell me that all of these issues and concerns and worries that I have will all be ok... So, I had a good cry. I wonder if its just starting to get to me that I'm alone, and Josh is not on a long trip somewhere. I wanted him to be able to enjoy his kids as adults and have his grandchildren running around his feet and I wanted to hear him tell them stories and watch him bounce them on his knee... It just seems so unfair. Sometimes I think I just can't do this on my own anymore. I'm not good at it. And then I remember that I'm not alone. I have two of the best kids, EVER, and 3 of the sweetest grandchildren and a new one that is growing into a healthy, happy little person; and I have a soon-to-be daughter-in-law who really likes me, and two soon-to-be grandchildren (Montana and Hunter) who think I'm pretty cool, and an amazing mom who loves me inspite of all my weaknesses and flaws, a brother who is smart and sophisticated, yet funny and good-hearted, and a sister who is beautiful and talented, kind of ditzy (in a good way) and has a big heart filled with lots of love; and a few close friends and lots of wonderful acquaintances; a good job, a roof over my head, food in my refrigerator, clothes in my closet and shoes on my feet; a car that has 105 thousand miles on it, yet still runs like a champ; my degree that I'm one more class closer to finishing; and on top of all that, I have an amazing God that knows me through and through, inside and out, and yet He still chose to save me from myself and remind me daily that His arms are big enough to hold me when I'm afraid, take my hand when I feel like I'm walking through fog, whisper sweet words into my ears when I'm lonely, and reminds me that He's working on a mansion with my name on it, and that it will all be worth it one day. After thinking about that, who could be down for long? So as for me and my house... We are all better than ok. No matter how the storms are raging on the outside; inside, we're all tucked safe and secure in one thing: Love for God and love for each other! We love each other, and that love is what's going to get us through. We stick together. We may be few, but together, we are strong.

To my family; the ones still with us, and the ones who've gone before us!

Tears Are A Language God Understands

When You Can't Find The Words

I realize it's late, and for all intents and purposes, I should be in bed. 6:00AM comes very quickly. As I was laying in bed, something my mother said this evening kept coming back to me. We were talking about prayer. How do you pray when you're going through very difficult battles? Not just finances, or the loss of a job, or the health of a loved one. Those are each very serious, yet when you kneel down to pray, you have specific things you are bring to the Lord. What about when your heart is broken, or your mind is playing horrible and awful war-games that keep you tossing and turning. How do you pray when you don't know how to put it into words? My answer? I sit at my keyboard and play music, or just be quiet and remind the Lord that He knows my heart. Back to my mom's answer: She said that when she is so burdened with something, and she doesn't know how to verbalize what she really is longing for, she simply starts quoting scripture verses. She chooses every promise from the Bible that she can think of, and starts speaking them out loud. I liked that. A lot. He does know our hearts, and He knows what we have need of most of the time even before we do. While I was thinking about this, you can guess what happened. I started singing an old Gospel Hymn called: Tears Are A Language God Understands by Gordon Jensen. Here are those beautiful lyrics that are true even today:

Often you wonder why tears come into your eyes And burdens seem to be much more than you can bear But God is standing near, He sees your falling tears

And tears are a language God understands.

God sees the tears of a brokenhearted soul He sees your tears and hears them when they fall God weeps along with man and He takes him by the hand

Tears are a language God understands.

When grief has left you low it causes tears to flow When things have not turned out the way that you had planned But God won't forget you His promises are true

And tears are a language God understands.

God sees the tears of a brokenhearted soul He sees your tears and hears them when they fall God weeps along with man and He takes him by the hand

Tears are a language that my God He understands.

God weeps along with man and He takes him by the hand

Tears are a language God understands.

I have also attached a rendition of this song by a choir that I found on YouTube. I hope you enjoy it. Tears truly are something that only God can completely understand. There have been times in my life where I cannot even speak because I'm overwhelmed with the burdens of life that are weighing me down. My words are at a complete loss. So I cry, and actually moan and groan. Sounds dramatic? Well, the Bible speaks of moaning and groaning for the abominations done in the city...so what about something in your family, or regarding a close friend, or maybe something buried so deep and covered with so much stuff that all you can do is wait, and let Him wash your eyes with tears.

Wow, I just thought of another song! "He Washed My Eyes With Tears" by Ira Stanphill. So mom, you were right on the mark. Words can sometimes be so inadequate, but the groaning of our heart speaks volumes!

Believing that tomorrow will be changed from ordinary to extraordinary!

Pam